There is more to life than being happy by: Victor Mushimbami
<script async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-5632014805880740"
crossorigin="anonymous"></script>
We often assume that the ultimate goal of life is to be happy. We hear people say that happiness comes from success, a good job, a good marriage, or a good partner. This leads us to pursue these things, hoping that they will make us happy. Some of us even idealize a perfect person who will fulfill all our desires. (Esfahani, 2017).
But is this really the best way to live? After doing some research and listening to health professionals, I learned that what we think will make us happy can actually make us anxious. I have seen this happen to many people around me. The question is, what truly makes us happy? Psychological studies suggest that chasing happiness can backfire. Have you noticed that suicide rates in Zambia have increased? This is not only a problem in Zambia, but also in many other parts of the world. People are unhappy, anxious, and lonely. There is a sense of emptiness that we cannot ignore. (Esfahani, 2017).
Research suggests that the main cause of rising suicide rates is not a lack of happiness, but a lack of meaning in life. This may make us wonder if there is more to life than being happy, and what the difference is between happiness and meaning.
According to Esfahani, a writer and researcher on the topic of meaning, many psychologists define happiness as “a state of comfort and ease” (2017, TED video). From a biblical perspective, I would say that happiness is “knowing that God came from heaven to earth, became a human being, took my sins, died my death and resurrected for my righteousness”. Meaning, is much deeper than the definition that other psychologists give. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman said that “meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you” (2002, p. 2632). We can easily observe that our cultures in Africa are obsessed with or only talk about happiness. But I am writing this to tell you that seeking “meaning” is the way to a satisfying path. Studies show that people who seek meaning in life are more resilient, perform better in school and work, and live longer (Esfahani, 2017).
The previous paragraph raised a question in my mind: “How can each of us live a meaningful life?” Maybe you wondered the same thing. Esfahani, a writer and researcher on the topic of meaning, spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of philosophy and neuroscience. She synthesized all the information and identified what she calls “four pillars of a meaningful life”. We can all create more meaning in our lives by using one or more of these pillars. (Esfahani, 2017):
The first pillar is belonging. This comes from being in a relationship where we are valued for who we are intrinsically, and where we value others for who they are. Not all groups, companies, workplaces, families, or friends foster a sense of belonging. Some of them value us only for what we believe or do, not for our true selves. True belonging comes from love and it is a choice we make to cultivate it with others. For example, some people may try to be kind to us, but we may reject their attempts. We may ignore calls from someone who cares about us or decline invitations from someone who wants to connect with us. These are simple acts that can hurt others and make them feel invisible. Some people find belonging in their bond to their place of worship, family, or community. (Esfahani, 2017).
The second pillar of a meaningful life is purpose. Having a purpose is not the same as having a good job that makes you happy. “Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give” (Esfahani, 2017). Some health professionals may feel that their purpose is to heal sick people, while some parents may feel that their purpose is to raise their children. The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Some of us use our strengths at work, where we feel that we can make a difference and be valued. This means that without work or something to do, we may struggle to find meaning in life. Purpose is not something we find, but something that motivates us to act. In my case, my purpose is to serve the Lord and represent him in my family, church, community, and among all the people who don’t know him. (Esfahani, 2017).
The third pillar of a meaningful life is transcendence. This is about going beyond yourself, but in a different way than belonging or purpose. Transcendence is “those rare moments when you’re lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away and you feel connected to a higher reality” (Esfahani, 2017). Some people experience transcendence through art, church, research, or writing. I am a pastor, researcher, and writer. When I fellowship with other believers, preach the gospel, write, and research, I feel connected to a higher reality. The presence of the Lord makes me less self-centered and more aware of his reality in my life. This is a life-changing experience. Belonging, purpose, and transcendence are the pillars of a meaningful life.
The fourth pillar of a meaningful life is storytelling. This is the story you tell yourself about yourself. This is creating a narrative from the events of your life that brings clarity. It helps you understand how you became who you are. I have noticed that we don’t realize that we are the authors of our stories and we can change the way we tell them. Esfahani, a writer and researcher on the topic of meaning, tells us that life is not just a list of events; we can edit, interpret, and retell our stories. She gives an example of a footballer who became paralyzed and stopped playing football. Her initial story was “my life was good when I played football, but now my life is bad”. This is what psychologists call a “contamination” story, where things go from good to bad. As a minister of the gospel, I have met people who tell similar stories, such as “before I started worshipping, money was not a problem, but after I accepted Jesus Christ, money became a problem”. People who tell stories like these tend to be more anxious and depressed. We should learn to tell a different kind of story, what psychologists call a “redemption” story, where something good comes out of something bad. For example, “there was a time in my life, before I accepted Christ, I had no joy and hope. After I repented of my sins and accepted Christ in my heart, I gained hope and joy”. The story should move from bad to good, not from good to bad. This will make us more resilient and fulfilled. (Esfahani, 2017).
A key element of storytelling is to balance the bad with the good. People who find meaning in their lives tell stories that are marked by “redemption, growth, and love” (Esfahani, 2017).
I hope this has been helpful to you. Please share this with others and come back to check new blog posts and give us your feedback. We are always learning and feedback, whether positive or negative, helps us improve and grow.
Comments